Social Anxiety: When progress is leaving the gym class EARLY!?
Let me set the scene. Its Monday night, which means its Body Pump night. My twice weekly 45 minute group fitness class that I am (sometimes) consistent with attending.
For the most part, I quite enjoy Pump. As a selectively social introvert, I love that I have my own little station of equipment which minimises my need for small-talk after a day of socialising.
So I’m all set up, I’m in the zone and we’re doing the ‘squat track’. It’s the most intense part of the class, but I usually do okay. Except on this evening, I was starting to feel light-headed. (Kids, I would not recommended skipping lunch, no matter how busy you are, before Body Pump). I realised by body was not coping with the fact I had not eaten properly before arriving at class.
I held on a little longer. Unfortunately the room did not become less wobbly as we started the third track. I thought there may be a real chance of me fainting if I kept pushing my body. I thought about leaving early. However, my Anxious Brain was yelling “no, we’re not even towards the end. You can’t , you’ve never left early before. And even if you did, you’d be noticed by everyone else in the class as the one person who was leaving. What if they think you’re weak, weird, annoying for leaving early?? No one ever leaves early! What if the instructor judges you?!”
Hello Social Anxiety, my old friend.
If you asked the average person what they think those with social anxiety struggle with, some might say “oh it’s when you get really shy and can’t do things like talking in big groups or when you don’t like meeting new people”.
But if you actually struggle with social anxiety, chances are you aren’t so much concerned about whether or not you can give a speech to a room full of people. Chances are, you’d be more worried about what people may think if you’re doing things like.. ‘eating weirdly’ at a table, smiling too much or not enough in a group setting, or .. if you left a gym class midway through.
That’s because what someone with social anxiety really wants to be able to do, is to live more genuinely, authentically, and to do the everyday things more naturally without the fear of negative judgement, without forever second guessing themselves.
“We’re tired of putting our needs and comfort below the need to please others and avoid judgement.”
We’re tired of putting our needs and comfort below the need to please others and avoid judgement.
Right then and there, I made the decision to put my comfort and need for rest ahead of my desire for external validation or approval from others. I began wiping down my equipment and gingerly walked to the front of the room, weaving past the other gym-goers to place all of it back. I practiced tolerating the possibility that others might have been judging, noticing, wondering..
Now this isn’t to say I’d jump at the chance to address a whole room of people without feeling nervous. But that’s okay I’m not a spokesperson, I’ll take this small sign of progress!
Here are some other signs and examples that you might be making progress with overcoming Social Anxiety:
You actually remember new people’s names when you meet them
You don’t lower your gaze as much when walking in crowded places
·Students, you might not mind if you don’t have a bus buddy planned for that next excursion
You can comfortable flag down the waiter and ask for something you need without worrying other patrons stare when you put your hand up
You’re not monitoring how many minutes have passed since you last made a contribution to a group conversation. You don’t worry that someone has noticed that you’ve been a bit quiet.
You’ve started say “thank you” more, instead of “sorry”
I use a combination of CBT and EMDR therapy to support clients in overcoming social anxiety so they can live more authentically. When you’re ready to do this work, lets connect!
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